Being A Present Mama

So I have found that besides the whole raising a child thing, that one of the most difficult parts about being a parent is being present.  I mean obviously I am here and present physically, but I mean soaking it all in...witnessing, observing, remembering, partaking,  playing, responding.  Just over-all being present in my child's life.

Because here's the deal.....children=exponentially time warpage.  Somehow Rocco is 9.5 months old, and I am planning a first birthday party.  And it feels like just a couple weeks ago that he was born and I was cheering him on to hold his head up for 0.4847 seconds.  Now he is like this little boy who has captured my hear and soul.  Who walks on furniture, pulls himself up on any and everything, laughs at things, and tests my patience.  I think about him the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep.  But lately I have found myself feeling absent, and I don't know why.  Now some of it is the refusal to acknowledge that a year has gone by and a thousand milestones have been met.  BUT  like every other mom in America today,  I have an abnormal addiction to my freaking cell phone.

I am so busy sometimes looking and stalking other people's lives, that my own if flying right by me!  I can get so caught up in who's the latest to be pregnant (in real life and in Hollywood) or who said what about this, and that so and so is going on this trip and that trip, oh and spending a stupid amount of time looking through hundreds of pictures of said trip...meanwhile Rocco is walking around (not really, but ya know;))  #honestmama

I remember seeing this #bepresent on social media a while ago (ya know because I am addicted) and I remember thinking like it's not that hard.  Such a weird concept.

Then I had a baby. And you know what got real ha!

I work at home which is the biggest blessing in the world to me.  I have the best of both worlds and although it has been very hard to find the balance, I think I have got it kinda sorta figured out.  Maybe. Probably not at all, but I have fooled myself to think so.  So there are times when I have to just let Rocco play...by himself...and I had a really hard time with that in the beginning.  I felt like I was neglecting him and I was worried that he would have attachment problems with people later in life, and the list went on #crazyhormones #butseriously.   So far he is ok and seems to like other people so the damage hasn't set in yet ;)

But now everything is new in our world.  The discoveries are limitless....every.single.day.  Rocco discovers something new all the time, and I sit here in compete awe of his world...just wishing to be part of it.  I have decided to actively be more present in my family's life.  To put down my phone...the FB, Instagram, TMZ, US Weekly, E!....yup  it's all real.  And live in a life where everything is new.  Because like I said, this exponential time warp I am in with a baby means I am going to blink and he is not going to need me for anything.  So I am going enjoy everything he does need me for and be there when he is laughing and pointing and watching and soaking everything in.  Because everyone's life will go on and I will FB stalk everyone when I am an empty nester...if FB even exists then!

This could be the most random post ever, or the most projecting post ever...either way I feel better situation.  And I gotta believe that I am not the only one thinking these things.

Sidenote:  I might need to work on taking pictures of a fully clothed baby ;)  We do have clothes I promise!