Being A Present Mama

So I have found that besides the whole raising a child thing, that one of the most difficult parts about being a parent is being present.  I mean obviously I am here and present physically, but I mean soaking it all in...witnessing, observing, remembering, partaking,  playing, responding.  Just over-all being present in my child's life.

Because here's the deal.....children=exponentially time warpage.  Somehow Rocco is 9.5 months old, and I am planning a first birthday party.  And it feels like just a couple weeks ago that he was born and I was cheering him on to hold his head up for 0.4847 seconds.  Now he is like this little boy who has captured my hear and soul.  Who walks on furniture, pulls himself up on any and everything, laughs at things, and tests my patience.  I think about him the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep.  But lately I have found myself feeling absent, and I don't know why.  Now some of it is the refusal to acknowledge that a year has gone by and a thousand milestones have been met.  BUT  like every other mom in America today,  I have an abnormal addiction to my freaking cell phone.

I am so busy sometimes looking and stalking other people's lives, that my own if flying right by me!  I can get so caught up in who's the latest to be pregnant (in real life and in Hollywood) or who said what about this, and that so and so is going on this trip and that trip, oh and spending a stupid amount of time looking through hundreds of pictures of said trip...meanwhile Rocco is walking around (not really, but ya know;))  #honestmama

I remember seeing this #bepresent on social media a while ago (ya know because I am addicted) and I remember thinking like it's not that hard.  Such a weird concept.

Then I had a baby. And you know what got real ha!

I work at home which is the biggest blessing in the world to me.  I have the best of both worlds and although it has been very hard to find the balance, I think I have got it kinda sorta figured out.  Maybe. Probably not at all, but I have fooled myself to think so.  So there are times when I have to just let Rocco play...by himself...and I had a really hard time with that in the beginning.  I felt like I was neglecting him and I was worried that he would have attachment problems with people later in life, and the list went on #crazyhormones #butseriously.   So far he is ok and seems to like other people so the damage hasn't set in yet ;)

But now everything is new in our world.  The discoveries are limitless....every.single.day.  Rocco discovers something new all the time, and I sit here in compete awe of his world...just wishing to be part of it.  I have decided to actively be more present in my family's life.  To put down my phone...the FB, Instagram, TMZ, US Weekly, E!....yup  it's all real.  And live in a life where everything is new.  Because like I said, this exponential time warp I am in with a baby means I am going to blink and he is not going to need me for anything.  So I am going enjoy everything he does need me for and be there when he is laughing and pointing and watching and soaking everything in.  Because everyone's life will go on and I will FB stalk everyone when I am an empty nester...if FB even exists then!

This could be the most random post ever, or the most projecting post ever...either way I feel better situation.  And I gotta believe that I am not the only one thinking these things.

Sidenote:  I might need to work on taking pictures of a fully clothed baby ;)  We do have clothes I promise!

A Baby Story....

Well now that 1/2 a year has gone by without regularly blogging.....

I will return with the longest blog post in the history of blog posts :)  This is for my memory if anything else...........so here we go!

A Baby Story was on TV every morning when I would be getting ready for work.   As a pregnant lady it can either be a curse or a blessing depending on the morning, the mood, and well the level of cray pregger hormones.  Anywhoodles-  there I would be getting ready imagining what my "baby story" would be.  Little did I know it would be one of the most surprising intense days of life.  And in all honesty it might be THE most surprising day in.my.whole.life.

We went into the hospital on a Thursday night to be induced.  Call me selfish or crazy or whatever but I did not want my baby to have a Christmas birthday and I just knew my luck would deliver such a circumstance.  So we induced a couple days before my due date.  Our last meal without a kid....Red Robin.  I was so worried I would be in labor forever that I was not going to be starving so I pigged out as much as I could to avoid that ;)

We got checked in and had a new (to the hospital) nurse and it took forever for her to get all my info in the system.  She's lucky I was not in active labor because I would not have been as nice or patient through all her questions.

I got my IV put in, and I am pretty sure she used an entire roll of tape for that puppy!  It was not moving anywhere that is for sure.  I'm sure this is one of those error on the side of caution things, but still....Once we were all settled in our family came just to check on us and make sure we were ok.  Once they left the nurse came in to start the induction process.  I was able to get some rest until about 3am and started waking up with every contraction; the nurse came in and gave me a little morphine to dull the pain so I could get more sleep. #amen

Around 5:30am the nurses had a shift change and I was having very regular and painful contractions. The new nurse ordered pitocin and my epidural at the same time.  She was a smart lady and clearly had my best interest in mind.  Pitocin made me one of those crazy intense breathing, focused lady...at this time I was dilated to 4cm. Luckily I only had about 15 min before the anesthesiologist came to give me the epidural.  Once that puppy kicked in I thought I could do this like it was my job!  Once I was in heaven comfortable,  we called out parents to let them know things were rolling.  My mom and step dad got there in minutes it felt like, and Mr. Mac's family was on their way.

Mr.Mac and I were able to take a nap from 6:30-7:30ish.  I woke up and the nurse checked my and I was 6cm and she was happy with my progress.  So was I!    She informed me that the dr. would be in soon to break my water....perfect!  My 'baby story" was going fabulous!  When you are pregnant with your first baby I think you spend so many hours thinking about what labor was going to be like, and if everything would "work" right.  I was so excited when things were moving on like they should.  Now at this point I told the nurse that I was mentally prepared to be in labor until 5pm that night, and if the time went past that I wanted to have a c-section.  She looked at me like I was speaking Chinese to her.  Either way that was what I was mentally ready for and I thought it was important she knew my timetable of this whole thing.

Mr. Mac decided he was going to go downstairs and get some breakfast once we woke up.  I was fine with that as my Red Robin was still feeding me :)  My mom was in the room with me and Mr. Mac's family would be there any time.  Right after Mr. Mac left the room I felt that "gushing" sensation and realized my water had just broke.  And for anyone who has never had a baby that is the oddest feeling in the world.  Like you peed yourself but different.  All I know is it happened and I was on my side looking at my mom and said oh great my water just broke.  So I called the nurse and she cleaned everything up and said she would be back to check me again, but that I should call my husband just to let him know what happened.  My mom called Mr. Mac and he was just waiting in line at the cafetteria.  I called my sister-in-law to make sure she was on her way and she was.

The nurse returned to check me and all she said to another nurse in the room was "call the doctor".  I immediately thought something was wrong and started worrying I said what is going on?  She said you need to call your husband, because you are having this baby right now!!!!  Ummmm excuse me...it is only 7:50 and I have not been in labor that long, and my husband is feeding his face, and my in-laws are not even here and my mom is the only one in the room.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM HAVING THIS BABY RIGHT NOW?????  I AM NOT READY....WE HAVE UNTIL 5 AND IT'S NIT EVEN 8AM!!!!

My mom calls Mr. Mac again and he is confused because she just spoke to him and told him to not take too long eating since my water had just broke.  Mr. Mac asks a lot of questions before doing what he is told ;) I called Mr.Mac's mom and was frantically telling her that the baby was coming right now!  She was parking. Thank the Lord! I will say that everything is a little bit of a blur because it all happened so fast...it felt like we went from 0-60 in .002 seconds.  Before Mr. Mac got up there I got the unbelievable sensation to push...emphasis on unbelievable sensation!  Once you get to this point in labor you could give 2 craps who sees your 'brittany'.  All you can think of is getting that baby out!

There are more nurses in the room and the doctor is taking her sweet time getting up there.  The nurses have done their magic to the bed and I am "practice pushing".  That is a joke to me I am not practicing at all I am pushing with a purpose woman!  However-after my first push I fall back and say "I can't do this...I don't know how to push"  And really if you think about it, what the heck am I suppose to push with I have a minor speed bump read: my bio ol' belly and I can't feel my lower body. My nurse looks at me and says "be quite...you can do this.  The only way this baby is coming out is if you push it out!"  And that was exactly what I needed.  My mom leaves the room and Mr. Mac is finally there.

Getting way more involved than he had planned, he was instructed to grab a leg.  The dr is still not there and at this point I can't push anymore because she (it's still a girl at this point) will come out.  It's almost the equivalent of placing a treat on a dog's nose and telling it to not eat it...ya right!  Finally the dr shows up and to her surprise my child was already half out.  It went something like this "Hi Bri"..."OH HI BRI!!!".  She literally had no time to put her hair in a pony tail or anything.  She barely got her scrubs on.  And then que the intense dramatic motion picture tune and wait for the "he looks great".

I did not hear her say he and the only thing I heard was Mr. Mac say "did you just say he?!?"  To which the dr replied "oh my gosh this was supposed to be a girl!  And you guys are planners"  Ding ding ding!  And I saw his twig and berries as they were laying him on my chest.

See no pony tail...for either one of us ha!

Now I can honestly saw that I did not shed one tear.
I was happy
I was elated
I was overjoyed
I was shocked
I was surprised
I was dreaming
I was..................
I almost didn't know what to feel.  So Mr. Mac and I took 2 hours by ourselves with our baby BOY.  Oh and we ordered breakfast because well by this time my Red Robin had worn off ;)

Blueberry pancakes for both of us.  While casually discussing-
What to name our SON...
What would he wear home...
His nursery is pink...
It's a boy....
It's not a girl?????
Nope it's still a boy....
But seriously what do we name him....
Can we have a pen to write the name down to make sure....
It's a boy....

We decided to have the nurse call our family in and take pictures of everyone in the room when we told them it was a boy.  Everyone paraded in with ooo's and aaahhh's about how pretty she looked and Mia was here and so pretty.  Until I said "we would like to introduce you to...Rocco...IT'S A BOY!"

We are beyond blessed to have such a supportive and loving family.  Once we surprise wore off will never wear off everyone went shopping for boy clothes so our poor little guy didn't have to go home in a dress ;)

December 20, 2013 was the beginning of a new chapter for Mr. Mac and me.  Although it started nothing like we were prepared for but we left with a healthy baby and that is always what matters most. Our life went from pink tutus and barbies to football and dirty little boys.  God has chosen u to be the parents of a little boy for a reason that only He knows.  I pray that one day we might get to know why, but I am at peace with His decision for our life.  I am constantly reminded that He is in control and knows the plans for us...especially when I look at this sweet little angel boy.

OOPS! It's a boy!

Oh the joys of pregnancy!  Everything was such smooth sailing and I felt great the whole time...well until like week 36 and then I was over it.  But aren't we all?!?  Anywho we were expecting a little lady and we are ready!  Nursery...check. Clothes for a year...check. Bows and accessories for days...check.  A perfect, unbelievably quick labor..."oh she has hair...keep pushing"....followed by "oh he looks great!"  Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hold the phone....DID YOU JUST SAY HE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

SHO NUF! BOOM!  

We welcomed a healthy baby BOY on Dec 20th.  To say we were shocked would be the understatement of a lifetime.  But now that he is here I would not trade being a boy mom for the world.  Although it has taken some time to adjust things have been fabulous.  He is a happy healthy baby and that is all that matters!

Everyone tells you how fast things go once you have a baby, and you sit there and think ya ya I'm sure.  And then you have your baby and 2 months have gone by and it feels like the fastest yet longest 2 months of your life!  So I am in high effort blog mode now just to try to remember all the big and little things of this sweet angle boys life....well and ours too :)